Unfortunately, nowadays it is simply impossible to imagine a funeral meal without drinking alcohol. Having vodka on the table is a necessity and a sign of good taste. But few people think that commemoration with alcohol is unacceptable in the Christian tradition of commemoration.
After a person passes into eternity, those living on earth are obliged to honor the memory of a deceased relative or friend. It is believed that a person is alive only when he is remembered. Our love for those who have passed on to another form of existence is manifested in the dignified preparation of funerals and funeral dinners.
Everyone who calls himself a Christian prepares a funeral meal on the 9th, 40th day and anniversary.
Currently, there is a practice of commemorating the dead with alcohol. Tradition is the most common and necessary. This is exactly what many people think. Vodka or other alcohol on the table symbolizes the correctness of the wake, and if this is not provided, then the relatives may even be offended. In fact, commemorating with alcohol is strictly prohibited. This is a sin and desecration of the memory of the deceased. It is necessary to realize that the meaning of a wake is not just food and drink, but memory and prayer for the deceased, as well as doing good deeds.
It turns out that many follow the lead of the crowd, drinking alcohol. This terrible tradition did not exist in the history of pre-revolutionary Russia, so it is wrong to say that it has always been this way; people understood the need for proper commemoration. It is not customary to drink for peace, but only for health and in moderation.
A Christian should not compromise with his conscience. And if a person is Orthodox in essence, then it is necessary not only to know the main things, but also to live in accordance with the Christian tradition.
Bread and vodka in front of a photo of the deceased
Popular tradition dictates placing bread and vodka in front of a photograph of the newly deceased. This is a very common phenomenon that is not only useless, but also harmful to a person. It is believed that the human soul spends the first 3 days after death on earth, visiting its favorite places. Bread and water are left for the soul of the deceased so that it can eat and drink. This custom has nothing to do with Christian doctrine, since the soul is immaterial and has absolutely no need for earthly food. This tradition also harms the living in the sense that people forget about the main thing in commemoration - prayer to God for a deceased relative.
The roots of this myth go back to the times after 1917, when people who hated Orthodoxy came to power in Russia. Real Christian traditions are being replaced by unnecessary fairy tales. Bread and vodka are one of those. Since the clergy was persecuted in post-revolutionary times, there was simply no one to explain the essence of the commemorations to the people. Therefore, it turns out that such a custom has become firmly entrenched in our lives.
The problem is that a person often doesn’t even know why he is doing it, but he does it as necessary. But this is a misconception. There is no need to do this. It must be remembered that the main thing is not some rituals, but prayer, alms and doing good deeds in memory of the deceased. Providing bread and water to the deceased is a custom that did not even take place during the time of the Orthodox imperial state.
According to the teachings of the Church, a deceased person will be especially remembered on the day of burial, on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days from the date of death and on each anniversary of his death. It is good and beneficial for the soul of the deceased to remember it continuously for 40 days in a row, and for the rest of his life.
The custom of commemorating the deceased with vodka, placing vodka on his grave or near his photograph at home is completely unacceptable; it is sinful and harmful to the soul of a church person. This sinful custom came from pagan funeral feasts. The pagans, in their own way, believed in the afterlife, so they rushed to provide the deceased with various material benefits, burying them in the grave with the body of the deceased. Sometimes the wives of the deceased were killed and buried with him. Nowadays this pagan (in Slavic: filthy) heritage has been preserved in the form of an offering of vodka to the deceased. The Church strongly condemns this vile practice. The deceased are remembered with prayers and alms.
Previously, there was a good custom of convening beggars, cripples, hungry, poor and needy people for a memorial meal on the day of a funeral in order to feed them and distribute alms for the soul of the deceased person. Also, the things of the deceased were distributed as alms for his soul (which is especially useful during the first 40 days, but also then). Today this pious custom has degenerated into a pagan funeral feast, a drinking party for a funeral or a funeral dinner for the sake of decency (this is supposedly customary; it has been the custom since ancient times, etc.). Nobody deliberately invites the poor, they don’t think about prayer and remembrance. They call their relatives, friends and work colleagues, eat and drink vodka.
It is sinful to organize a drinking party for the dead. By similar actions his posthumous fate only gets worse.
The Lord allows deceased relatives to appear, who “remembered” them with vodka. The deceased say that they feel sad and sad there. They reproach us for not loving them: “If you don’t feel sorry for us, you increase our suffering in the fire of Gehenna!” “Don’t you know that you are multiplying our torment with alcoholic references!?”
It is undignified and blasphemous to drink vodka at a funeral service for the dead. The organizers of such memorial dinners commit a great sin, and insult the memory of the dead with such commemorations. Instead of helping the soul of the deceased, such commemorations cause it anxiety and unnecessary torment.
This is what a wanderer of God named Andrei told one priest, whose beloved daughter suddenly fell ill and soon died. Andrei grieved greatly and organized a rich funeral “according to folk custom,” not sparing vodka. The next night, the dead daughter appears to her father, so mournful and sad, and says: “How come you don’t love me!”
“Don’t I love you,” the father answers, “yes, I’m ready to give everything for your salvation!”
“And give it back, but why are you remembering me with vodka?! Such commemoration only aggravates my suffering! Suffering intolerable torment, I saw the Mother of God, Who said: The parents of this girl do not feel sorry for her! Remembering her, they diligently give vodka to the memorial service; they do not know that I am terribly angry with those who drink vodka! By making a wake with vodka, they are deprived of My intercession with God to alleviate the torment of the commemorated soul!"
Hearing this, I said: “Mother of God, allow me to appear to my father and notify him that he is mistaken in performing the funeral with vodka! And so I say that the wrath of the Mother of God passes on to us who are in the afterlife!”
When his daughter became invisible, Andrei swore that he would completely stop drinking vodka. Moreover, he went to Pochaev to the miraculous icon to beg forgiveness for himself. For his fervent prayer with tears in front of the miraculous icon, he was rewarded with such a vision in a dream.
The Mother of God appeared to him and said: “Your fervent prayers and the prayers of the servants of My Pochaev monastery obtained pardon for your daughter; but know that every drop of vodka drunk at the funeral of the deceased causes the same pain that the points of the crown of thorns caused My Son during the earthly "His suffering! Know that all those who drink wine at funerals are My enemies! Tell the world about this!"
It's time for Orthodox Christians to abandon this pagan custom of commemorating the dead with vodka!
REMEMBER!
WHO CONSUMES VODKA FOR THE WEEKS OF THE DECEASED,
HE PREPARES MORE UNBEARABLE TORMENT FOR THEM.
They say that according to Orthodox canons it is forbidden to place a photograph or sculpture of a buried person on a grave monument. Is this true and why? After all, on the graves of, in particular, famous personalities, we have always placed either their sculptures or bas-reliefs with their image.
An Orthodox Christian, realizing the need to externally express the memory of the deceased, nevertheless inwardly tries to always remember our main and most important duty to the deceased. This is a prayer duty, as an offering of love, and as our most pleasing sacrifice to God in memory of a deceased person.
Those who have crossed the threshold of eternity, by and large, do not need a coffin, a grave, flowers on it, or long feasts with speeches. All the attention of the soul in this terrible hour is focused only on those obstacles that block its path to the Kingdom of God. First of all, such obstacles are unrepentant, unconscious sins, unforgiven grievances, and uncorrected ways of life. After death, a person can no longer change anything and expects from us, from members of the Church of Christ and people close to us in earthly life who have the grace-filled opportunity to pray to God with filial prayer - he expects only the most frequent and warm prayerful sighing for us.
Therefore, on the burial mound, only one Orthodox cross is enough, which is placed at the feet of the deceased, as if so that he would look at it as his last hope. The death of Christ on the cross is the event from which the power of death over the human race was abolished by the Descent into hell of God Himself.
When coming to the grave of even the most famous person (especially if he is so dear to us), we should not be distracted by the memory of the appearance or merits of the deceased, looking at his photograph or sculpture, but our duty is to direct all the power of prayerful attention to the simple and most necessary words : Rest, O Lord, to the soul of Your departed servant.
Is it possible to take photographs or videotape during a funeral?
Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"
Funerals, as a rule, take place in a concentrated, if not prayerful, then at least reverent atmosphere. Each of those present at the funeral comes into contact with the Sacrament of Death and thinks about many things, including, probably, about their exit from this life. At such holy moments, creating any inconvenience for people is not entirely right. Photography is always associated with some kind of invasion into the inner world, this is the power of this art. And the inner world of a person in the face of death, when he sees it and, as it were, remembers it, is a mysterious moment, which is indecent to violate. Of course, the exception is the funeral of famous personalities, when it is presented as news, as some kind of tribute to the information community. But still, in this case, we must remember about the relatives and friends of the deceased, because no matter how well-known a person he may be, there are always those for whom the deceased is just a close person, without regalia or awards.
Why are forks and knives prohibited at funerals?
Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"
There is no such ban. If someone confuses you with such fabrications, you have every right to demand an explanation as to why this cannot be done. If the answer is reasonable, which is impossible in principle, then act at your discretion. But it’s better not to clutter your head with such trifles, but to think more about prayerfully commemorating the deceased.
Unfortunately, along with the general culture, the culture of funeral meals, which were originally a continuation of the funeral church service, also disappeared into oblivion. But, despite this, every effort must be made to ensure that the funeral dinner is accompanied by an atmosphere of reverence and silence, and not by the desire to observe the most obscure signs.
Is it possible to remember the dead with vodka?
This is something that we not only have to face, but also fight, and even prohibit this kind of commemoration as having nothing in common with Christianity. The deceased, first of all, need our prayers and good deeds performed in memory of him. The funeral service in the church testifies that the person died in peace with the Church, and the Church prays for him, for the forgiveness of his sins. And the funeral meal is a kind of good deed, which is aimed at those who live nearby. Usually people close and acquaintances were invited to it, as well as poor people, beggars, who, having attended the dinner, could offer a prayer for the soul of the deceased.
It is interesting to trace how the tradition of holding funeral meals arose. Previously, the funeral service took place after the liturgy, and the coffin with the deceased was in the church. People came in the morning on an empty stomach, and the burial procedure ended, as a rule, in the afternoon. Naturally, people needed natural reinforcement of strength. But the very idea of commemoration, the idea of prayer is completely incompatible with drinking alcohol, it is blasphemy. It is unfortunate when funeral meals turn into noisy feasts, by the end of which it becomes unclear why everyone has gathered.
Is it possible to place a plate of borscht, a glass of vodka and bread on the funeral table “on the path” for the deceased?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
This tradition has nothing to do with Orthodoxy. According to Christian conviction, the earthly life of a person who belongs to the Church by baptism is the time when he can testify to his desire to be with God or, conversely, by his actions to show that he serves some other goals and convictions. A person realizes his freedom - to be with God or without Him. And after death this expression of will can no longer be made. However, by the grace of God, before the general judgment, the afterlife fate of a baptized person who has rested in peace with the Church can be changed through the prayer of the Church and the prayerful intercession of neighbors for his soul, coupled with alms.
When talking about the deceased, they often add “May the earth rest in peace”... Is it possible to do this?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
God created man so that he would share with Him the joy of being in the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the main and final goal of human life. Therefore, the best wish for the deceased is the wish for eternal memory (not in the sense that we should remember him forever, but the eternal memory of God for his soul), and the wish for the Kingdom of Heaven, which is a kind of prayer and hope in the mercy of God.
Is it true that you can’t take a “countrywoman” home after the funeral service and you can’t take anything with you from the cemetery?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
The question of the “country land” reflects people’s pagan idea of burial rites, which has nothing in common with church tradition and the Christian attitude towards death. Very often, careless relatives first bury the deceased and only then remember that he was baptized. And when they come to the temple, instead of asking a person to perform the funeral service, they begin to demand “land.” We have to explain that the earth is not the main thing in the funeral service and does not contain any sacred meaning. It has only a symbolic meaning, it is a reminder of the words of Holy Scripture that man is the earth, and to the earth he will return. This is not a pass to the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whether or not to bring the soil home does not matter. If the funeral service is performed in a church, then there is no talk about this at all - the priest sprinkles the deceased with earth in a cross shape right in the church, and if he accompanies the coffin to the cemetery, then he pours earth into the grave with the words: “The Lord’s earth, and the fulfillment of it, the universe and all living things.” on her" (Ps. 23, 1).
Therefore, the question of a “countrywoman” arises among those who ask to perform the funeral service for their deceased relative in absentia. Previously, such a funeral service was performed in exceptional cases, if, for example, a person died in a war, and it was impossible to perform a funeral service in the church. By and large, funeral services in absentia are an abnormal and unacceptable phenomenon, performed by the Church only out of condescension towards modern unchurched society. These are the consequences of a godless time, when people, being numbered in the Church and calling themselves Christians, are Orthodox only by baptism, live outside the church, and naturally, after death they are also buried outside the church. But the priests still meet people halfway and perform the ritual, since it is impossible to deprive an Orthodox person of prayer.
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