According to experts, the “foundation” of personality is laid in a child under 10 years of age. After the transition of this trait, the upbringing of parents has a character that develops those aspects that have already been formed in their child. According to psychologists, ages from 9 to 12 years are considered prepubertal. The character of children changes somewhat and has its own distinctive characteristics. Responsible parents should know all these nuances so that the so-called “imitation of the educational process” does not occur when mom and dad leave the child alone with himself (playing cartoons for him, allowing him to spend endless time at the computer, and so on). It is this stage of a little person’s life that determines the direction of his development. For good or bad, it depends on the father and mother. The future course must be determined. The child requires increased attention.
Children at 9-10 years old move to a new stage of development
9 - 10 years - the beginning of the prepubertal period
Prepuberty generally goes smoothly for both parents in equal parts. The child is still accommodating and compliant. However, at this very moment the mechanism of alienating the child from the family is launched. Peers become more and more authoritative, the child joins a certain group of children (be they leaders, outsiders, informals, athletes, and so on).
The influence of parents flows away in small drops. At the age of 9 - 10 years, a boy or girl goes through a journey during which they turn into teenagers - complex, nervous, restless children.
Communication with peers comes to the fore The child loses the ability to fully control his emotions. This critical age is the basis for what a child will be like in later life. The foundation has already been laid earlier, up to 9 years. But the direction that will be chosen during this period is decisive.
Development of children 9 - 10 years old
As a rule, children of this age are quite erudite, inquisitive, have a sense of humor, love spending time in large companies of peers, easily make acquaintances and find a common language with others, have excellent fine motor skills (the child writes and draws well), and are responsible in household chores (willingly perform household tasks, tend to independently maintain cleanliness and order). At this age, children are truly exemplary. Both boys and girls are equally diligent.
School achievements become very important Features of the educational process
It was previously stated that at this age the authority of the family circle gradually decreases. Interpersonal relationships among peers come to the fore.
At this moment, it is important for parents to maintain their child’s self-esteem and in every possible way instill confidence in their own abilities, celebrating his uniqueness and individuality. This position has nothing to do with unreasonably encouraging any actions of a child. Mother and father should praise the child for his useful, good actions. Parents need to find their child’s strengths and celebrate them in him. Both the father and the mother should equally be actively involved in raising the child.
Mom's support is more important for daughter This support contributes to several positive trends:
- the child feels more comfortable in society;
- it is easier for him to withstand battles with external pressure;
- the child is full of enthusiasm and self-confidence, which means his successes are multiplied;
- the connection with the family is not lost: the boy or girl understands that the parents are his/her friends, his/her reliable support;
- the level of trust between family members increases, parents will always be aware of the child’s events, thereby being able to correct the course of events and prevent the negative consequences of various situations.
Children of this age try in every possible way to blend in with their peers: in terms of external parameters, areas of interest, and demeanor. If dad and/or mom try to limit the freedom of choice of a 9-10 year old child, then the child will be hostile to such attempts. Therefore, it is so important to give that freedom, that breath of independence and independence that will allow the child to feel almost like an adult, he must give him wings. Elementarily, by assigning some responsibilities around the house to the child (cleaning his own room, washing dishes or watering flowers in a timely manner), parents will receive a return. The child will be sincerely grateful for such trust and will try in every possible way to live up to expectations, since he was given the opportunity to be equal in the family circle.
Father's support is the main thing for a 9-10 year old boy There is one important nuance: you cannot set time limits and constantly remind or, even worse, reproach the child for untimely or improper performance of his duties.
Such comments can completely discourage desire and lower self-esteem.
At this age, children pay great attention to their performance at school. They worry about their studies, and competition between students is increasing. Junior grades are already behind us, the workload is increasing. Parents should pay special attention to this point.
It is necessary to communicate with teachers more often and help the child with homework.
Children's pranks at this age do no harm
And, perhaps, the last aspect is the features of the educational process in unfavorable situations when the child is naughty. Prepubescent age is characterized by minor pranks that do not cause significant harm to others. Most often, young people like to climb fences, trees, and run in the park without a break. Even if a dirty trick has occurred (for example, hooligan doorbells or something else was committed by a child), then you should not scold the child. Even if his upbringing is condemned by strangers. It is necessary to maintain a trusting relationship with him. The best way out of the situation is to give the youngster an active boost through games in which as many people as possible will be involved (searching for treasure in the garden, for example). It is best to introduce boys to some kind of sport.
Sex education
And let parents not think that 9 - 10 years is too early to explain to their child the nuances of sexual life. In modern, progressive times of technology and the Internet, children receive most of their information from there. Parents cannot monitor the quality of such information. In the vastness of the World Wide Web there is a lot of “slag” that distorts reality and can raise a healthy child into a degraded individual who has practically no upbringing at all. Therefore, it is better to tell your son and/or daughter in normal language about what sex is. At this age, the child will adequately perceive all the information (if it is presented correctly).
Sex education is the task of parents It is important for parents to keep the conversation in a serious tone, without presenting the topic in a funny light.
The boy and/or daughter must clearly understand what it is and what consequences can occur with premature initiation of sexual activity. Sex education today is an integral part of the education program itself as a whole. Girls need to be explained what menstruation is and how to behave on the first day. Boys need information about wet dreams.
You can’t leave sex education to chance - the Internet will teach you unnecessary things Culture of behavior
9 - 10 years is the age when the child is still pliable and can unquestioningly accept parental instructions. There is no need to miss the chance to develop good manners in a small person and be able to behave in society. Upbringing and behavior in society are the calling card of a person. It would be a good idea to teach your child the rules of etiquette (at the table, in public places). It is no more difficult to teach this to boys than to teach it to girls. This includes explanations about the dangers of nicotine, alcohol and drugs. Promoting a healthy lifestyle to a child from childhood (or even better, showing and proving it by example), there is a high probability that he will adhere to it. At the age of 9 - 10, children are very persistent and purposeful, therefore, if they have convinced themselves that drinking and smoking are bad, it means that they are unlikely to go against their beliefs in the future. The child will learn useful tips for himself; the psychology of children of this age is exactly like this.
Parents should instill good manners from childhood Preparing for everyday life
At this age (9 - 10 years), children already have basic skills in handling household appliances and are introduced to household chores. This area needs to be expanded. Dangerous household appliances (gas stoves, water heaters, high-watt appliances) deserve special attention. Safety rules must be outlined to the child. Also, it is necessary to explain the rules of conduct in emergency situations (where to call, what further actions to take). Thus, a foundation of responsibility and a sense of duty is laid in the offspring, thereby making the child responsible and serious.
Useful advice for parents: the child’s psychology is such that perception requires serious conversations on this topic at this age.
At this age, children should be involved in household chores. There is no need to become like the game presentation that is offered in books. The child must understand the seriousness and danger of some household items.
Problematic points
During prepubertal age, boys and girls may experience certain critical moments that are typical for children of this particular age. These include:
- low self-esteem;
- shyness;
- excessive imitation of idols.
Such problems can turn into a serious array of confusion. All three symptoms are closely interrelated. They say that the child does not believe in himself, does not love himself. He refuses public speaking, is reluctant to go to school, does not want to contact others, and is in a nervous state. Shyness manifests itself when meeting peers and adults.
Leisure activities at 9-10 years old should be controlled by parents The child refuses to share his thoughts or talk about what worries him. In such situations, it is necessary to instill confidence in the child and give him the moral support that he so needs. A boy may doubt his physical abilities and strength, and girls may have complexes because of their appearance. You can work on his image, style, take care of the little details of his appearance, eliminate possible barriers when communicating with others (bad breath, untidy clothes). Any parent should be able to find the right approach and the child will return to normal life.
Advice for parents: a child needs approval of his actions, evaluation of his appearance, and recognition in society.
He needs praise and, at the same time, an objective look at himself.
Prepubertal age is not difficult compared to puberty. Although there are some nuances and minor difficulties, they are completely solvable. At this stage in the lives of boys and girls, the main task of parents is to correctly guide their offspring into the adult life of society so that he can adapt.
Similar materials
Inexperienced parents believe that tears and screams are characteristic only of very young children. This behavior is also normal for nine-year-old schoolchildren who are experiencing a second crisis. It is important for parents to hold their child and help him go through the next stage of personality development.
Causes of child aggression at 9 years old
The causes of aggression can be very different: family conflicts, adult games, frequent TV watching, somatic illnesses.
It is imperative to respond to such behavior. You can show rigor and rigidity. This option can calm down a completely uncontrollable schoolchild at the age of 9. But under no circumstances be aggressive or raise your voice. Your confidence in the rightness and calm will play in your favor.
If children's aggression is random and rare, then leniency should be shown. As soon as the baby calms down, find out with him the reasons for aggressive behavior and eliminate them.
What to do if your child is often hysterical?
Of course, no parent wants to see children's tantrums. However, they happen even to nine-year-olds. Screams and tears are a signal that the child is tired. Give him a chance to rest.
At this age, you should not overload children with additional clubs and sports sections. Daytime naps and daily outdoor play are still important to them.
If hysterics do not stop from the age of five, it means that the child is already manipulating adults with might and main and does it quite successfully. Reconsider your parenting methods; it will be difficult to change the existing relationship. Do this gradually, but calmly and confidently, so that children's tantrums disappear.
Naughty child at 9 years old: what should parents do?
At the age of 9, schoolchildren face a second age crisis. It is because of this that children's behavior changes, children become disobedient and uncontrollable. What to do with such children? The main thing is to be calm and not get annoyed with children. It’s very difficult for them now. Spend more time with your son or daughter, trust them to independently carry out tasks that are important to them. To improve children's behavior, it is advisable to follow a daily schedule, have family traditions and unquestioned rules of life.
How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?
If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. Children's deception is a consequence of mental or mental discomfort. The schoolboy does not know what to do and begins to tell not the truth, but fictitious stories. Perhaps this happens due to strict and unfounded punishments, due to a lack of parental affection, or due to praise and encouragement only for significant children's successes. Carefully determine the reason for the deception and prove that you can be trusted in any situation.
Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.
How to respond to child theft?
Has your child appropriated someone else's item and you don't know how to react? Remember that this deviation is common in children aged nine. This is due to adolescence. If you find someone else's item, if possible, return it to the owner. Tell your child that such actions are prohibited and punishable.
Under no circumstances should you threaten your child, punish him corporally, or discuss the situation with strangers. This attitude can depress a student; he will stop trusting you or start stealing to spite you.
Only through conversations and a good attitude towards your child, regardless of his actions, can you explain to him what is good and what is bad.
Every year of children's lives brings new changes to the family. A 9-year-old child already has the ability to argue reasonedly and defend a point of view. The student independently searches for information that interests him, dialogues with adults become constructive, but mentally he is still a child. When building a relationship with him, you should take into account what a child of 9 years old should be able to do.
Psychologists consider this age to be the beginning of the next crisis in children. The time for pre-puberty has arrived. The student enters a transitional age when the main thing for him is the authority of his peer. The baby loves mom and dad, but the parents’ opinion is no longer decisive in the child’s actions.
Skills at 9 years old
Primary socialization has passed. With the help of communication skills, a developed social life is created. For 9-year-old children, a developmental feature is the transfer of values from the family to the team.
Schoolchildren are willing to make contacts, create interest groups, quickly find new friends, and communicate easily. Conversations become more meaningful: the student expresses his thoughts clearly.
To understand how your child is developing, it is necessary to assess the following abilities at this age.
- They love to be in a group and feel free in it.
- They understand and support compliance with the rules and necessary restrictions.
- They are able to independently monitor and maintain order in their own room.
- They willingly help parents with household chores, as well as in caring for the younger children in the family. They enjoy taking care of pets and caring for them.
- Self-care skills have been developed: children independently observe the rules of hygiene and take care of their appearance.
- They read a lot, like to retell the contents of books, and discuss what they read with peers and adults. They have their own opinion and defend it.
- They are distinguished by a heightened sense of justice.
- There are no problems with orientation in time and space.
- It is impossible to single out a particular area of interest. Children are interested in everything; they want to receive maximum information on any issue.
The workload at school increases, so schoolchildren spend more time doing homework and do not always have time to go out for a long time. The task of parents is to help organize the child’s routine so that there is always time for physical activity.
The formation and growth of bone and muscle tissue, which need load, occurs. It is necessary to support the child’s desire to play sports. Sign up for a section and take them to training.
A sedentary lifestyle is not conducive to the health of a growing body: it can lead to scoliosis, loss of vision, and weakened immunity. Children who move little often complain of general weakness and frequent headaches. You should definitely set aside time for a walk in your daily routine. This time should not be less than 2 hours a day.
For parents
The age of 9 years is the age when your child can develop an understanding of the value of family, respect for parents, and teach the child to take into account the opinions of relatives first of all. You can strengthen emotional, trusting relationships.
By controlling the student’s free time, social circle, and homework, it is necessary not to suppress his desire for independence. Raising an infantile, obedient child in everything is not so difficult. Simultaneously with such upbringing, problems are laid in future adult life, when the student turns into a lack of initiative and no aspirations.
It is necessary to be sincerely interested in the child’s affairs, to support in difficult situations, not to babysit or resort to threats. Conversations should take place as equals. If it is noticeable that the fidget is upset and is hiding something, with the help of leading questions you need to find out what kind of problem he has.
What seems trivial to adults can be a real disaster for children. Therefore, be sure to listen to the teenager, express your support, and together find a way out of the difficult situation. The words “back off with your nonsense” can push him to look for a listener on the side and get advice there, which can lead to tragic consequences.
Quarrels and scandals with parents are possible in cases where parents do not recognize the student’s independence. To prove it, he may go into conflict with his family. At the age of 9, they most often make attempts to run away from home.
It is often at the age of 9 that groups of leaders and outsiders are formed in schools. There are cases of individual children being rejected from the team. Such children become victims of being ignored and bullied by their classmates. A trusting relationship will help the child turn to his mother for help and ask for advice.
In such situations, parents should not wait for the situation to develop. We urgently need to establish contact with the class teacher and clarify the situation. If necessary, transfer the child to another class or school. Sometimes changing schools leads to negative consequences for the student’s psyche. That is why such a decision should be made taking into account the opinion of the baby himself.
In order to gain the respect of their peers, to become part of a group of classmates, children sometimes commit negative actions. In order not to be considered a weakling in class, a student can light a cigarette or try vodka. To prove their maturity, children begin to actively use swear words in their vocabulary. Rude behavior toward a mother, a teacher, or an elderly person on the street at this age is no longer uncommon.
Experts advise to forgive minor pranks and not allow them to be repeated. Smoking and drinking alcohol should be a topic for serious conversation. Prohibitions and shouting will not help here. The best way to persuade is the behavior of parents. If a mother scolds her son for smoking, but at the same time smokes herself, then her lecture will not have any educational effect.
Girls 9 years old
The speed of psychological development of a 9-year-old child depends on gender. Girls mature faster emotionally. At this age, they behave like little housewives, taking their mother’s example in everything. They help cook in the kitchen, keep order, and participate in discussions of the family budget.
From the moment of birth, parents raise girls as little princesses who need to be pampered and forgiven for their whims. At the age of 9, such babies are already well versed in cosmetics, know the types of diets, and distinguish between night and day creams. But pity and raising spoiled young ladies will not contribute to success in life.
When asked what a 9-year-old child, especially a girl, should be able to do, experts advise paying attention to the child’s psychological stability. Emotions mean a lot to girls. The ability to feel sorry, sympathize, and help loved ones is in the character of all girls. Mothers usually teach their daughters to take care of the household, cook, wash, clean and maintain order, and also take care of themselves and loved ones. A comfortable, trusting atmosphere in the family depends on the woman; this is exactly what a loving mother teaches her daughter.
Girls should receive the same education, especially in primary school, as boys. Hardening procedures and physical activity contribute to good physical shape. When choosing a sports section, you should take into account that for girls, the main thing is agility, grace, flexibility and coordination of movement.
If they do not want to engage in professional sports, it is best to choose sports with increased physical activity in the fresh air, such as running or skiing.
Already at this age, parents should start talking to their children about sex. It’s better for a mother to talk to her daughter, and a father to his son, than for children to start looking for answers on the Internet or from friends in the yard. You should not brush off such questions from children or turn everything into a joke.
The conversation must be serious. It is not necessary to go into details of the topic, but it is necessary to convey an understanding of the importance and meaning of love. The student must understand that he will receive the answer to such questions from the adults in the family, that is, they will not make fun of him.
Boy 9 years old
In raising boys, the emphasis shifts to maintaining discipline and respecting adults. Boys are raised more strictly. The principle - “you are a future man” - requires you to be strong, dexterous, and able to stand up for the weak.
Ekaterina came to me, she has a son, Denis, 8 years old, the child does not obey, and his mother asks for help.
What to do if children do not obey their parents is, unfortunately, a popular problem. According to his mother, the boy does not do what he is asked to do, shouts, insists on his own, does his homework under pressure, is inattentive at school, argues with teachers. To my question: “How are you trying to cope with it?” – answer: “We punish and beat.” Mom answered calmly about the beatings, as if they were a common event. And she added: “My parents beat me too. This is how I raise.” Upon further questioning, it turned out that a month ago the boy had enuresis for the first time, and then repeated it several times. That is, psychosomatics from the genitourinary area has already begun (if nothing is done, then in practice, stool incontinence usually begins soon, in young children and adolescents with equal probability). The consequences of blows to the head are childhood absent-mindedness, inattention, deterioration in learning, visual and sleep disturbances... the list is long. It may seem that I am describing morally degenerate adult monsters - far from it! The parents are quite normal people, in good standing among friends and colleagues.
Why don't children listen?
The parents see the reason that several years ago they were on the verge of divorce, did not live together for about a year, and these difficult circumstances affected their son. Maybe. But any consequence always has several reasons! The main ones are often deeply hidden and are not made public right away! This was confirmed at the end of our conversation with my mother.
Here's an excerpt from the conversation:
Mom: – The child is rude and doesn’t listen to anyone. What should I do?
Psychologist: – How is this expressed?
– He argues, shouts, insists on his own, defends his point of view until he is hoarse! Well, he gets paid for it.
- Who else does this?
Mom faltered, and then answered guiltily in a whisper: “I...”
What's happening? In a family where there is a dangerous environment for children, they subconsciously take on the role of a stronger, morally or physically, parent and play it out, as on stage, at first occasionally, when they are in danger, and then sit in this “image” constantly. In our case, it turns out that the son adopted the behavior of the dominant mother, but not on purpose, but intuitively, for the purpose of survival!
(continuation of conversation):
“Does your husband also beat you every time you stand your ground?”
- Of course not…
– Why such selectivity?..
– there was no answer from her.
How to make a child obey?
I hear this stupid question quite often. Dear parents, when will you finally understand that in the psychology of relationships with children, your role is key! Take care of yourself, and soon the long-awaited peace will come to the family. And by the way, what happens to an adult if you force him? Sooner or later he will start a riot! He will resist, scream, defend himself - why in the case of children this is called “the child does not obey at all”, and with adults - “I do not intend to do what others need! Who do they take me for? Double standards, nothing less.
I will give another part of our conversation with Ekaterina:
– Who is Denis for you?
- Son, who else?!
– And also, who is he to you?
“I would like to see him as a friend and assistant.”
– Do they beat your friends? Do they shout at them and shut their mouths?
“... no... I didn’t think about it,” my mother was clearly upset by the answer.
What to do if children do not obey their parents? – ask yourself the question “who are your children for you?” Subordinates, enemies, rivals, or family and loved ones?
The child doesn't listen. What to do?
So, what have we come to:
- at the insistence of the psychologist, the parents stopped regularly beating the boy,
- We agreed that he would be the rightful owner in his personal room: he cleans when he wants, puts things where he wants, his parents do not insist on cleaning. Why such a step? Any living soul should have its own personal space, giving a feeling of comfort, security and, most importantly, responsibility! By constantly forcing children to take action, they will never begin to take responsibility for themselves.
- I managed (as I sincerely hope) to convey to the parents that the child is an adult(!) person, temporarily with a small body. Therefore, it is advisable to behave and talk to him as equal as possible. Show him at least respect if you are not yet capable of love.
Over time, when the family environment moves from dangerous to safe, and the threat to survival goes away, children are less likely to unconsciously copy a strong parent... and will probably try to be themselves.
Loading...