What can be prepared for 40 days of commemoration. General rules for commemoration. Funeral kissel from black bread

Consecration of kutya in the Greek church. Photo: monastiriaka.gr

Each person lives with a deep inner confidence in his own immortality and the immortality of his loved ones. Yes, he understands and even sees - people are dying, but the subconscious mind keeps a calm confidence - this cannot happen to him and his loved ones. This is the property of a healthy human psyche.

When trouble comes to the house, it is always unexpected and very, very painful. People are confused. What to do?! Where to run?! Who will help?! It is necessary to redo a bunch of previously unknown cases in the shortest possible time. Where to start, how to do it right?

Here people who have experience, strength and, most importantly, a good heart come to the rescue.

Funeral rites, rules and traditions lead the relatives of the deceased according to a given algorithm, which, from the point of view of Orthodox Christians, is necessary for the good and salvation of the souls of the deceased.

Funeral ritual exists in all religions of the world. It is believed that the life of the soul does not stop with the death of the body, as well as the love of living people for the deceased. The living can communicate with the dead in the process of funeral rites and are capable of their prayers and good deeds help his soul go to Paradise.

When the deceased is remembered

On the day of death, after which the soul of the deceased is with the angels for two more days and is allowed to walk the earth wherever she wants. And she wants to go home, to where her body and loved ones are. It is believed that a virtuous soul visits places where she did the right thing.
On the third day, that is, on the day of the funeral, the soul ascends to heaven to worship God. The third, because the deceased was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, believing in the Consubstantial and Indivisible Trinity. And also because on this day the face (image) of the deceased changes. In the meantime, the angels show the soul of the deceased Paradise, and on the ninth day they bring it to God.
On the ninth day when, from the Orthodox point of view, the whole body is destroyed, except for the heart. And the soul is taken to the places where the deceased sinned, they show Hell, demonstrating the torment of sinners. The soul of the deceased is horrified by what he sees and from the realization that he, too, has sinned, for which the soul bitterly regrets and prays for forgiveness. This continues until the fortieth day.
On the fortieth day when the heart is destroyed. And God's judgment is being executed on the soul of the deceased, which determines whether he belongs in Paradise or Hell.
At six months and a year after death, the birthday and the day of the Angel the deceased and on all relevant religious holidays annually: on Trinity, meat-fare, parental, Dmitriev Saturdays, on the eve of Pentecost and on Radonitsa.

Why are reminders needed?

A commemoration is not just a meal, but a ceremony during which the relatives of the deceased REMEMBER him and his good deeds, where memories of deceased ancestors are awakened, to whom they turn for help in prayer, and where they pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased, trying to alleviate her torment. In their prayers addressed to God - the Holy Trinity, the living ask to forgive the deceased for all his sins that were committed by word, deed and thought, and to credit him with three virtues: faith, hope and love.

Gathering with the whole family, the souls of the living turn to the help of ancient psychological mechanisms, trying to feel like an integral part of a kind that will protect them, support them, and give them new strength. And new spiritual forces, love and compassion are pouring into the family circle, healing living people.

Kutia - sweet funeral porridge

For a funeral meal, the first thing to do is to prepare kutya(it is also called “kolivo”) is a ritual porridge cooked from grains: wheat, barley or rice; sweetened with honey or raisins; and consecrated at a memorial service. Grains are a symbol of the resurrection of the soul, because in order for them to bear fruit, they must first be buried in the ground, where they will decay, giving sprouts - that is, new life.

From the Orthodox point of view, the body of the deceased is committed to the earth in order to decay and appear incorruptible at the moment of the general Resurrection. And honey and raisins act as a symbol of the spiritual sweetness of the blessings of eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. Combining into a ready-made dish - kutya, they express the confidence of the living in the coming resurrection of the dead and the immortality of the soul.

How to cook kutya: soak the grains overnight or for several hours, cook until cooked so that the porridge is crumbly. Toward the end, add sugar or warmed honey, diluted with water (to make it easier to absorb) and raisins (which must first be washed, scalded with boiling water and dried). You can also add poppy seeds to kutya. Here you can see the recipe for kutya (proportions, tips). And another option.

Memorial dinner menu principles

Myself memorial dinner it should be:

simple and strict;
supporting forces: physical and mental (after all, it is known that food is an excellent antidepressant);
made from fresh and quality products so as not to overshadow this mournful day with other accidents;
facilitate conversation and maintain a quiet spiritual atmosphere, where grieving people who have gathered for spiritual communion in memory of the deceased will be able to relax a bit.

Of course, the composition of the dishes largely depends on the traditions of the family, its wealth and who, presumably, will come to commemorate (after all, people are not traditionally invited to the commemoration, people themselves come). If you think that there will be about as many people who came to commemorate as there are guests for a big holiday, and you can cook a memorial meal with your family, spending it at home, and you don’t have the strength, time to think through and implement a complex menu, offer those who come a regular lunch (dinner ). So that it is about the same as you would feed your family on a day off.

Traditionally in Russia, cabbage soup, cereals, pancakes, pies, kissels (hard, jelly-like - how to cook, you can see at the end of this kissel recipe) and compotes were prepared for the funeral table. We can propose the following simple and relatively inexpensive menu: borscht, buckwheat porridge, chicken cutlets, homemade preparations (salads, lecho, canned cucumbers and tomatoes), compote and puffs with banana filling.

Of course, if you wish, you can cut fresh vegetables and fruits, sausages and deli meats, serve variety of salads, herring or other salted fish, sandwiches with caviar, pastes, sprats.

I think the owners themselves will decide whether there is a need for this. The main thing to remember is that when commemorating, there is no goal - to feed to satiety and amaze with sophistication, high cost and an abundance of dishes. But there is a goal - to saturate the guests, thanking for their help and participation, remember the deceased, pray for the repose of his soul and the remission of his sins, and provide each other with psychological help and support. The main thing is not food, but people - the living and the dead, united by the grief of parting and the change of life - earthly and afterlife.

What to cook for the wake

So, let's start preparing a funeral meal.

Homemade borscht

Some people think that borsch the next day, having brewed and thickened, it only becomes tastier. Therefore, if we decide to cook it the day before, the taste of the dish will change, but will not suffer. By the way, the word “on the eve” comes from the Greek “eve” (basket), in them food prepared for the funeral table was brought to the church for consecration.

For borscht, we prepare broth from meat with a bone. Pour vegetable oil into a heated frying pan, carefully pour finely chopped onion. As soon as you catch the sweet onion spirit that has spread throughout the kitchen, add the beets and carrots, cut into small cubes. With this treatment, the beets will retain their color, and the carrots will sparkle with a bright orange flame in the beet depths.

simple and delicious borscht

Vegetables will languish in a pan until the solid state becomes soft. Is the delicious meat aroma already spilling out of the pan? It's time to introduce the broth to potato cubes (cut into the size of beet-carrot cubes. The components of the dish should make a homogeneous assortment).

Remember that vegetables save the largest number vitamins and bright taste when cooked over a fast and high heat. A little later, we pour vegetables from the pan into the broth, and when they boil a little, add finely chopped cabbage, garlic, Bay leaf, a few black peppercorns, diced tomatoes and Bell pepper, of course, they must be of the same size as the rest of the components.

There is already a little left. We try. Salted. Sweetened if needed. They added a drop of lemon or vinegar if the beets lost their chic color a little. All.

There is another option for cooking borscht with grated carrots and beets (recipe).

You can cook and chicken cutlets. This is a delicious, inexpensive and easy meal.

cutlets

We need minced chicken - fresh or frozen (if, after thawing, it turns out to be too liquid, try draining excess water. If it doesn’t help, our cutlets will look more like pancakes in shape, which is still delicious).

In minced meat, add onion, garlic, grated on a coarse grater, eggs (if it is liquid, you can put more eggs than usual) and oatmeal flakes.

Knead the minced meat, salt, you can slightly pepper. And now we form cutlets, first dipping our hands in a bowl of water so that the minced meat does not stick to the palms. If it was initially watery, then scoop up the future cutlet with a spoon and shmak it into a pan with hot vegetable oil. When the side in contact with the bottom of the pan is already strong enough and has changed color (here it’s already an amateur, someone likes fried, dark brown with a clearly felt crust, someone likes tender, light), turn over and fry the cutlet on the other side .

Then we put the fragrant meat goodies in a saucepan, the bottom of which is filled with a low layer of vegetable oil, where they remain in anticipation of the entire cutlet batch for further stewing. When all the cutlets are laid, add water to about the middle of the meat structure, cover with a lid and simmer over low heat until bright characteristic aromas appear. You should not completely forget about the saucepan, sometimes look, maybe you should add water or shake it a little so that the cutlets do not stick to the dishes. You can throw bay leaf and tarragon into cutlet water.

Here are other recipes for cooking cutlets stewed in a pan and cutlets stewed in the oven with tips, the exact composition of the products, the number of pieces.

Sweet

While the cutlets are stewing, you can bake puffs. To do this, we take ready puff pastry and bananas.

Why this filling? The aroma of bananas has a calming, pacifying effect on a person, and the substances contained in them, splitting, cause a feeling of happiness. Let it be, albeit small, but help to people who met at the memorial table.

If you don't like bananas or want to vary the filling of puffs, you can use sweet curd mass, an apple slice, cheese strips, or a mixture of grated cheese and fat cottage cheese, and other stuffing.

We roll out the thawed puff pastry (both yeast and yeast-free), draw rectangles with a knife, lay out the filling (in our case, a banana, cut it across into 4-5 parts, if the pieces are too large, you can divide them lengthwise into halves).

We connect the edges of the dough so that the filling is entirely in a puff captivity, pinch a little and bake in a preheated oven at t = 220 * C for 10-15 minutes, until browned. Then you can sprinkle puffs with powdered sugar.

Compote

When cook compote? Probably better the day before, there will be less worries later. Here you are already guided by what you have in stock and at the time of the year. Do you have frozen berries or ready-made cans with compote / jam, or vice versa - now is the summer time and everything you need is in abundance. Compote should not be very sweet or overly sour; to give it a fresh and cool taste, you can add a sprig of mint or lemon balm and a couple of buds of spicy cloves to it.

We throw berries, fruits or jam into boiling water, add a little sugar and cook over high heat, very quickly. The compote boiled a little (minutes 2-3) - immediately turn it off. Yes, you yourself, for sure, know all this.

If in doubt about the proportions, a pot of 4-5 liters will require a jar of berries with a capacity of 0.7 - 1 liter or the same amount of chopped fruit, 0.5-1 kg of dried fruits or 0.5 liters of jam (it all depends on which what exactly do you prepare compote.Some fruits and berries secrete abundant juice, others are very restrained, inexpressive and need to be supplemented with sour berries or lemon juice). If you have fewer berries, do not be discouraged, throw everything you have, perhaps this will be enough. You try it, if the taste of the compote is quite rich, palpable, then there is enough filling. If weak: add more berries (or jam, or a handful of dried fruits left over from cooking kutya, for example) or drip lemon juice to make it fresh and pleasantly sour. If you are going to shade compote citrus peel(lemon, orange, tangerine), then throw it into the ready hot drink so that it doesn't boil. Otherwise, the compote will be bitter.

On the subject of sugar - for this volume of water, start with half a glass and try if it is sweet enough. When preparing compote from sweet jam, sugar may not be required. In any case, try and focus on your taste.

If you like jelly more, you can cook it (jelly recipe).

Buckwheat

On the day of the commemoration remains only making buckwheat porridge, it will cook quite quickly and will not require much effort. You can prepare hard-boiled eggs for her in advance, at the rate of 1 egg per glass of cereal. When there are 40 minutes left before the meal, you can proceed.

We take a pan (not enamelled) with thick walls, similar to a cast iron, fill it with water and cereals at the rate of 2 cups of water per 1 cereal.

If you have dried porcini mushrooms, throw them at the rate of 1 mushroom per glass of cereal. They enhance the flavor and aroma of the dish.

We put on a very strong fire. We cover with a lid. And we keep it in this form for 4-5 minutes after boiling, after which we switch to a fire of medium intensity (and during this period we add lightly fried and finely chopped onions to the porridge. Just throw it from above. It will find its way into the buckwheat bowels), and closer to the end of cooking, when the water has become much less - we turn to a small fire.

Steam plays a leading role in cooking porridge, so keep an eye on the position of the lid, it should fit snugly against the pan.

Stirring is prohibited. Strictly observed ratio of components and temperature regime, dishes with thick walls, will create the correct structure of the dish, pores will appear there for the evaporation of excess moisture, and any interference will destroy this harmonious buckwheat structure. And all this is cooked for 15-16 minutes (if the cereal is taken from 1 to 4 glasses. And a little longer if there are more cereals).

It's not worth digesting. A special buckwheat flavor may disappear, the porridge will become tasteless. Turned off? Now let the porridge reach, infuse, for about 5 minutes.

Then, finally, you can add finely chopped eggs and add a spoon or two of butter. Mix. Salt. Stir again. Delicious?!

It is considered that this dish acts as an independent dish, it is not a side dish. When you try it, you'll understand why. Preferably served hot.

What will be on the memorial table

See what do we get. There is hearty and very tasty borscht. Then we serve buckwheat porridge. You can add tender chicken cutlets to it. And you can eat them separately, with black bread, having a bite of pickled cucumber or sweet pepper from lecho (which will be nice to combine with buckwheat porridge).

Even if you stop at this, people will already be full. And we still have compote with puffs.

Of course, you can replace porridge with potatoes, or serve high-quality ready-made dumplings, or stew potatoes with meat (all this is cooked very quickly, easily and is inexpensive). You can form a table of numerous vegetable salads and salads with mayonnaise, sausage-cheese-fish-vegetable cuts, sweets and cookies.

Exemplary commemoration menu after the funeral

A variant of a funeral table for 25-30 people, like this sample menu for remembrance:

kutya,
cutlets (3 kg of minced meat),
fried chicken thighs(by the piece, 30 pcs.),
mashed potatoes (bucket of potatoes),
fish in batter (2 pink salmon),
smoked mackerel (2 pcs.), Sliced into circles,
herring (3 pcs.),
sliced sausage, ham and cheese (each 0.7-1 kg),
Olivier salad (more than New Year, the volume is 3 liters),
salad of tomatoes and cucumbers (2 kg each + greens and onions),
sandwiches with red fish (1 large) in butter (pack) and a slice of cucumber (take one of those for salad);
apples (2 kg), cut into slices,
bread, bun (2 pieces each),
2 types of sweets (2-3 sweets for each guest, about 1 kg in total),
sweet ready-made rolls (4 pcs.);
cherry jelly (4 liters).
From other drinks: mineral water (4-6 bottles, be guided by the weather, more is better), Cahors (3 bottles) and vodka (3 bottles).

There were 20-25 people left for the commemoration and some of the dishes were not eaten to the end. Almost all cutlets disappeared, along with them mineral water was very popular. There was a decent salad of cucumbers and tomatoes, a little Olivier, thighs (third), sliced, rolls, some mackerel and herring. Vodka and wine also left a lot of the original. But this - see how it is accepted in your family.

I can say that there was even a lot of everything, it was possible to remember and much more modestly. For 9 days, this is how it turns out, the closest ones come (there are much fewer of them than on the day of the funeral) and are commemorated at a simple, hearty dinner.

Sample menu for a wake for 40 days

For example, for 40 days there were commemorations for 12 people, the memorial table consisted of the following dishes.

I recently had the pleasure of arguing with a young priest about funeral traditions and what a funeral dinner should be like.

This father is a close relative of one of my friends. Either a cousin, or a second cousin, or something. The essence of the dispute was that I was just about to go to a memorial dinner, that day my uncle's forties fell, and the priest said that the memorial dinner is paganism, it is necessary to commemorate the dead in church with prayer, and not with food and vodka. On the commemoration Of course, I went, but the topic touched me, and I began to look for different information about the traditions of the memorial meal.

Interestingly, my opponent, the priest, turned out to be both right and wrong at the same time. In the church, they told me that from a strict point of view, a funeral dinner is not at all obligatory and will not bring any benefit to a departed soul. But there is no church ban on commemoration either. Only the funeral meal is better to start with prayers.

memorialkutya.

On the Orthodox commemoration, it is necessary to put the consecrated kutya on the table. Funeral kutya recipe , as I understand it, is often determined by family tradition. In central Russia, in Siberia, in the Urals, it is always cooked from rice with sugar and raisins, but in many families they add to kutya and something else. For example, candied fruits or even nuts. And one of my acquaintances from the Kuban was told that in many Kuban villages kutya recipe has not changed since antiquity. There her cook from boiled wheat with honey and poppy seeds.

Memorial Dishes.

Reflecting on the intricacies of the funeral table, I learned one thing: food on commemorationshould be simple, no frills. After all, this is not a celebration, but a mourning ceremony.

Generally memorial meals, it seems to me, is very dependent on local customs and traditions. Be sure to put on the table everywhere kutya , jelly or compote. First accepted prepare cabbage soup, borsch or noodles, some other soups (for example, mushroom, fish soup, just broth). Almost always and everywhere cook pancakes and some pastries: pies, buns, something sweet. And then it's different.

For example, in central Russia almost never do without meat. Now it is customary to serve cutlets and chicken on the funeral table. Still on them sometimes cook meat hodgepodge. But not soup, but hotter of another type. This is sauerkraut or fresh cabbage stewed with meat, most often with fatty pork.

in the Russian south on the commemoration must be fried or salty fish. By the way, in recent times this custom spread to other places. I looked at the funeral menus in the cafe and found that almost everywhere there is, for example, pink salmon in batter and herring.

Lenten dishes for the wake.

If a memorial table is needed prepare in post, then there are various meatless dishesad hoc. For example, I myself recently ate carrot and soy cutlets at a memorial dinner. Pickled mushrooms are suitable, hot on vegetable and mushroom broths, lean pancakes and pastries (buns, pies with cabbage, potatoes, mushrooms). For a snack for fasting commemoration can be prepared beets with garlic, sauerkraut or fresh cabbage salad. It is not bad to put grated radish with vinegar on the table and vegetable oil.

Second courses at the wake- this is the most common mashed potatoes and cereals from any cereals, as long as they fit everything else. They are also suitable for lean memorial table.

From vegetable dishes good for a funeral table cook vinaigrette, salad of radishes, tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage.

And what about Muslims?

By the way, I found out thatMuslims also commemorate their dead. Muslim memorial dishesvery similar to the Orthodox. They serve, for example, noodle soup (albeit without potatoes), porridge with goulash, or just fried meat. The meat, of course, should only be halal, that is - no pork. Muslims and salads count memorial dish. And definitely in Muslim The funeral menu contains sweets: various dried fruits, marshmallows, marmalade and sweets.

commemorationamong the ancient Slavs.

Along the way, in my research, I came across various Interesting Facts about how our ancestors commemorated their dead. I must say that we seem to have taken many traditions from antiquity.

I found out, for example, thatcommemorationfood for the dead is an ancient custom not only of the Slavs, but also of many other peoples. Our ancestors commemorated their dead at least twice a year. These special festivities in honor of the spirits were called feasts. . They ate and drank a lot during feasts, so that the spirits would not be offended. The living were placed near the grave kutya , full (or full), pancakes and beer for spirits. They themselves ate the same in their honor and sang memorial songs.

And after the baptism of Russia, the memorial table continued to be laid according to the traditions of the ancestors. Definitely stood on it kutya , and from wheat. The richer ones were added to kutya honey and raisins. There was also an obligatory funeral drink to fill up. I understand that sat and eve are one and the same: a drink made from honey diluted with water. I think that now it is instead of satiety on commemoration cook jelly or compote.

In general, that young priest argued with me in vain. The memorial table is too ancient a tradition to be discarded.

After the funeral, family members of the deceased usually gather close relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, friends of the deceased for a wake, to which they tried not to come without an invitation, because, due to the natural delicacy of the people, they took into account that the family could be constrained in funds due to sudden material expenses , as well as decisions of the family to gather only a narrow circle of people.
In some areas, it was not customary to invite people to commemoration, and anyone who knew the deceased closely through life and joint work could come to them. Such an arrival meant a show of respect for the deceased and his family. The clergy were formally invited to the commemoration, actually trying not to participate in them.
Arriving at the house from the cemetery, be sure to wash your hands, dry with a towel. They were also "cleansed" by touching the stove and bread with their hands, earlier they even specially heated a bathhouse and washed in it, changed clothes. There was a custom for those who kissed the deceased on the lips - they had to rub their lips on certain points of the stove (near the air vent). This custom among the Slavs is obviously associated with ideas about the purifying power of fire and is aimed at protecting oneself from the deceased.
During the time the deceased was taken to the cemetery and buried in the house, preparations for the meal were completed. They tried to clean the house before the deceased was lowered into the grave, although it was difficult to predict the timing. Furniture was arranged, floors were washed, all the garbage accumulated over three days was swept away in the direction from a large corner to the threshold, collected and burned. The floors had to be washed thoroughly, especially the corner, the handles, the threshold. After cleaning, the room was fumigated with the smoke of incense or juniper.

The memorial meal in the Orthodox tradition is interpreted as a continuation of worship by eating food, therefore, certain rules and traditions are followed in the funeral ritual.
A commemoration is a kind of Christian alms for those gathered, as interpreted in the Holy Scriptures. Funeral feasts also existed in ancient times when the pagans ate food on the graves of their dead tribesmen. This tradition entered the Christian rites, and the ancient Christian memorial meals were transformed in later times into modern commemorations.
Funeral dinners are arranged according to custom three times, which allegedly coincides with a threefold change in the body of the deceased (on the third day the image changes, on the ninth day the body disintegrates, on the fortieth day the heart decays). The triple commemoration also coincides with beliefs about the journey of the soul to the next world.
The deceased is also commemorated on other days (half a year, a year, a birthday, the day of the angel of the deceased). There are also so-called calendar commemorations associated with certain holidays, accompanying the household way of life of the peasants, and included in church rituals.

In an effort to bury the deceased according to folk rites and in accordance with church rules, relatives and friends of the deceased often formally follow the performance of ritual actions, without going into their meaning.
According to the church, the symbolism of the commemoration of the dead on the third day after death lies in the fact that the deceased was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, believed in the Triune God - the Trinity Consubstantial and Indivisible. The living in their prayers implore the Holy Trinity to forgive the deceased for his sins committed by word, deed and thought, and to credit him with three virtues: faith, hope and love.
For the Orthodox, the unknown is also important, as regards the afterlife state of the soul. When Saint Macarius of Alexandria, as it is written in Holy Scripture, asked the Angel accompanying him in the desert to explain the meaning of the church commemoration on the third day, the Angel replied that for two days the soul, with the angels with it, was allowed to walk the earth, where she wants, so the loving soul wanders about the house where the body is, like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks where it did the right thing. On the third day, in imitation of Christ, the soul ascends to heaven to worship God.

On the way to the throne of God, the soul passes the tests of the spirits in its earthly affairs. These trials are called "ordeals" and usually begin on the third day after death. The whole space (according to Christian mythology) represents several courts, where the incoming soul is convicted by demons of sins. Each judgment (ordeal) corresponds to a certain sin, evil spirits are called publicans. In total, twenty ordeals are indicated, corresponding to a certain group of sins, depending on the severity (for example, sin with a word, lies, condemnation and slander, gluttony, laziness, theft, love of money, avarice, covetousness, unrighteousness, envy, pride and vanity, rage and anger, murder, sorcery, fornication, adultery, sodomy, etc.), that is, the main human vices are listed.
On the 9th day, relatives pray for the deceased, so that his soul would be honored to be canonized as a saint and receive the reward of heavenly bliss.
Saint Macarius of Alexandria, by revelation from an angel, says that after worshiping God on the third day, the soul is commanded to show the various abodes of the saints and the beauty of paradise. All this the soul watches for six days, admiring the beauty and forgetting its grief, which it had while in the body.
If she is guilty of sins, then she begins to grieve and reproach herself that she spent her life carelessly and did not serve God as she should. After considering paradise, the soul (on the ninth day of its separation from the body) ascends to worship God.
The number forty is significant, often found in Holy Scripture. According to the testimony of the same Saint Macarius, after the second worship, the Lord commands to show the soul hell with all its torments, and for thirty days the soul, led through the torments of hell, trembles so that such a fate is not prepared for it.
On the fortieth day, ordeals end, and the soul ascends for the third time to the worship of God, who executes judgment on her and determines the place in anticipation of the Last Judgment on her earthly deeds and by the grace of the prayers of the Church and loved ones during these forty days.
The Fortieth Day Judgment is a private judgment to determine the state of the soul, which, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, can change through the prayers of relatives and friends, their performance of alms and good deeds in memory of the deceased.
First of all, relatives, closest friends were gathered for funeral meals, and earlier also - necessarily the poor and the poor. Those who washed and dressed the deceased were especially invited. All relatives of the deceased after the meal were supposed to go to the bath to wash.
The fortieth day was considered the most important. It was believed that after the nights the soul goes far, far away, and therefore they hurried to do everything by this time. They ordered a memorial liturgy (a memorial service or forty-mouthed in the church), gave something for the commemoration of the soul and the church parable. For the funeral until the fortieth day, money was always paid.
The commemoration of the ninth, fortieth and other days of death usually consisted of a visit by the relatives of the deceased to the cemetery and a funeral home meal for those invited.

At present, commemorations are sometimes more reminiscent of pagan feasts, which were arranged by the ancient Slavs, who believed that the richer and more magnificent the farewell to the deceased, the better he would live in another world. A certain role in this is played by elements of vanity, prestige, the financial condition of the relatives of the deceased, as well as ignorance of the church charter in this matter.
Compliance with the norms in the Orthodox funeral meal requires that, before starting it, one of the relatives read the 17th kathisma from the Psalter in front of a lit icon lamp or candle. Immediately before eating, they read "Our Father ...".
It was customary to serve ritual dishes to the memorial table: eve (full), kutya (kolivo), pancakes, jelly. In addition to these obligatory dishes, cold dishes are usually served. fish snacks, herring, sprats, fish dishes, fish pies, which has a certain connection with Christian symbolism.
On fast days, meat dishes were allowed: roast, meat stew, pies "kulebyaka", borscht, porridge, noodles with poultry. Hot food was considered obligatory, because they believed that the soul of the deceased flies away with the steam.

At present, the menu of the memorial table also consists of a certain set of dishes, depending on which days the commemoration falls (lenten or fast).
As appetizers, salads of beets with garlic, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, cheese with tomatoes, fresh and sauerkraut; caviar from apples, vegetables (carrots, zucchini, eggplant), vinaigrette, vinaigrette with herring, etc. Hot dishes, in addition to those mentioned, serve cutlets, stewed lamb, poultry baked or fried in vegetable oil, duck with sauerkraut, fried eggplant, stuffed peppers, boiled potatoes, cabbage rolls stuffed with vegetables. From lean yeast dough they made pies with potatoes, berries, apples, dried fruits, dried apricots, mushrooms, cabbage, fish, cereals, rice, etc. funeral pancakes. Gingerbread, gingerbread, pancakes, sweets were placed on the table. Cakes and pastries were not recommended. From drinks - jelly from berries, lemon drink with honey, apple, rhubarb, breadcrumbs kvass.
They tried to have an even number of dishes on the table, changing them was not practiced, but they adhered to certain sequence reception.
The old funeral dish, from which the funeral dinner began, was kanun (satiated), which used to be prepared from beans with sugar or made bread crumbled on water or unleavened cakes with honey, which were watered with sweet well-fed. In the old days, wheat or barley kutya was used. Later, funeral kutya (kolivo) was made from boiled rice doused with honey diluted in water, and sweet fruits (raisins). According to tradition, with kutya, and it was eaten by three spoons, a memorial dinner began.
Kutya is supposed to be pre-consecrated in the temple. It also has its own symbolism, in which grains serve as a sign of resurrection, and honey (raisins) marks the spiritual sweetness of the blessings of eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. In kutia, as it were, the ideas of the ancients about the immortality of the soul are enclosed.

Orthodox canons state that memorial table there should be no alcohol, because the main thing in the commemoration is not food, but prayer, which is clearly incompatible with intoxicated state, in which it is hardly permissible to ask the Lord to improve the afterlife of the deceased. not without reason folk proverb says "Drinking is the joy of the soul", but on such a day it is unlikely that fun will be festive.
In real life, it is rare that a commemoration is complete without alcoholic beverages. It's basically strong alcohol(vodka, cognac), dry red wines. Sweet and sparkling alcoholic drinks are usually excluded. The presence of alcoholic beverages on the memorial table is partly due to the fact that they help relieve emotional stress, stress associated with the loss of loved ones.
The table talk is mainly devoted to the commemoration of the deceased, recollections with a kind word about his deeds on earth, and is also aimed at consoling relatives.

For believers, it also mattered what day the commemoration fell on: fast or fast, because the assortment of dishes changed accordingly according to the requirements of Lent. If the commemoration fell during Great Lent, then they were not performed on weekdays, but, as usual, were transferred to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday. Also memorial days, which fell on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week - are transferred to Radonitsa (Tuesday of the second week after Easter).
Before the start of the meal, food was sometimes fumigated with a censer with incense.
Food was served in everyday (not festive crystal or brightly painted china) dishes, if possible, calm colors.
Ate, as usual, canteens or dessert spoons tried not to use knives and forks. In some cases, if there was silverware in the family, the relatives of the deceased used silver spoons, which also serves as evidence to give silver magical cleansing properties.
At each change of dishes, the Orthodox tried to read a prayer.
The funeral table was often decorated with branches of spruce, lingonberries, myrtle, and a black mourning ribbon. The tablecloth was laid plain, not necessarily white color, more often in muted tones, which could be decorated with black ribbon along the edges.
The table setting was normal, except that in cutlery sharp objects (knife, fork) were not included, and spoons were placed with the back side up.
There is a tradition to put a device on the memorial table for the deceased (a knife and fork are placed parallel to an empty plate), they put a lit candle, often decorated at the base with a black ribbon, as well as a glass (a stack) of vodka, covered with a piece of black bread.
The tradition of leaving dishes and food on the table for the deceased, as well as curtaining mirrors, windows, TV screens, has nothing to do with Orthodoxy, its origins date back to paganism, but in real life it is widely used. This example, like many others, testifies to the fact that modern funeral rituals are syncretic, because includes heterogeneous components of folk culture, an integral part of which Slavic peoples is Orthodoxy.
The folk tradition also regulated the order of placing people at the memorial table. Usually at the head of the table sat the owner of the house, the head of the family, on both sides of which relatives were located in order of proximity of kinship by seniority. For children, as a rule, they allocated a separate place at the end of the table. In some cases, at the request of the close relatives of the deceased, they were planted next to (on both sides) with the father or mother, if one of the parents died. The place where the deceased usually sat was left unoccupied, the back of the chair was decorated with a mourning ribbon or a spruce branch.

There was also a special order of the memorial dinner, the main content of which was the commemoration of the deceased through eating food, interspersed by the Orthodox reading prayers, memories of good earthly deeds and personal qualities of the deceased. The first word was traditionally spoken by the head of the family, then the right to lead the feast was usually transferred to a special, respected person, whom the close relatives of the deceased asked to fulfill this duty of the “leading tomada”. According to tradition, close relatives tried not to say farewell words, but in the real situation of the memorial dinner, as a rule, they were also given the floor.
It was customary to pronounce memorial words while standing, and after the first one to honor the memory of the deceased with a minute of silence, also standing.
At in large numbers guests sat at the table in several shifts.
It was customary to break bread, pies with hands, and not cut. The remnants of the funeral dinner, and especially pastries, were always distributed to those present "to take away" so that they and their households could once again commemorate the deceased with a kind word at home, especially since not everyone could attend the commemoration for various reasons. The next day, crumbs of bread were carried to the grave, thereby, as it were, introducing the deceased to information about how the commemoration took place.
Kissel, tea, was usually the last memorial dish. The Orthodox ended the meal with a prayer of thanksgiving "Thank you, Thee, Christ our God..." and "It is worthy to eat...", as well as a wish for well-being and an expression of sympathy for the relatives of the deceased.

Thank you for the meal was not accepted. After eating, the spoon was usually placed on the table, not on the plate. By the way, it should be mentioned that according to custom, if during dinner a spoon fell under the table, then it was not recommended to pick it up.
Getting up from the table, they often bowed in the direction where the deceased’s device stood, referring to “him” with words like “eat, drink, it’s time to go home, and let the earth rest in peace for you,” after which, saying goodbye to the relatives of the deceased, went home. They sat at the table, as a rule, for a long time, which was considered a good omen, since many good things could be remembered about the deceased. In some places there was a sign, they say, whoever gets up from the memorial table first will die soon, so they tried not to leave the table first.
There was also a custom to leave the device with a glass of vodka covered with bread for up to forty days. They believed that if the liquid decreases, it means that the soul drinks. Also, vodka and snacks were left on the grave, although this has nothing to do with Orthodox rites.
After the guests left, the household, if they had time, usually washed themselves before sunset. It was possible not to remove anything from the table, but they tried to cover all the cutlery and the remaining food with something, except for those intended for the deceased. All doors and windows were tightly closed at night. At dusk, they tried not to cry, so as not to “call the deceased from the cemetery,” according to popular belief.
After the funeral of a loved one, many people, especially close relatives, observed mourning.
The deepest mourning - up to a year - was to be observed by the widow. Earlier at this time, she was only wearing mostly black clothes, jewelry was completely absent. Naturally, in the eyes of others, even thoughts of remarriage before the end of the period of mourning were considered indecent.

A widower man in most cases wore mourning for six months. Children had to observe mourning for the dead parents for a year, successively moving from black to lighter shades of clothing. This mourning for the deceased father or mother was divided by duration into deep - half a year, ordinary - three months and half-mourning - the remaining three months, when white and gray were mixed with black clothes. For grandparents, it was customary to wear semi-annual mourning, which was also conditionally equally divided into deep and semi-mourning. The same period of mourning was for the deceased sister and brother.
Mourning clothes were dark, black or of blue color, in which shades of red were completely excluded. Often not new. At present, in the absence of suitable clothes, a headdress in the wardrobe, they buy a black dress (suit), a headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they did not even try to take special care of their clothes, because, according to popular belief, careful care of them was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. Women during the period of mourning must cover their heads with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to make elegant puffy hairstyles, and in some cases even braid girls. In general, in Russia, external signs of mourning were supposed to be observed longer, as a rule, by women, and men could wear black, dark-colored clothes only on commemoration days, which was not condemned in the public mind even of village residents.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases - up to 40 days, and also - up to a year.
In the families of believers, mourning was marked by intense prayers, the reading of religious books, abstinence from food, and pastime. It was not accepted to participate in various entertainments, holidays, gambling.
If the wedding of one of the relatives fell during the period of mourning, then on the wedding day the mourning outfit was removed, but put on again the next day.
It was not customary to go to public and entertainment places during deep mourning, even the appearance in the theater was considered acceptable only after the mourning was completely lifted. An arbitrary reduction in mourning in a society with a certain way of life, observance of folk traditions is immediately striking and can cause condemnation.
AT modern conditions, as a rule, such a long time of mourning, as before, is not observed, especially in the city. All this is individual and in each case depends on a number of circumstances.
Wearing mourning, one should not show boundless grief, demonstrating it to others. Everything should be done with dignity, since the meaning of mourning lies not only in observing external decorum, signs of a person’s state of mind, but also in the fact that it is a time for a person to deepen into himself, a time to think about the meaning of life. In the end, from how we honor the memory of our loved ones, others may also honor our memory, for no one is eternal in this world.

Reminders help the soul go to heaven to paradise. In Orthodoxy, memorial words and prayers are a petition before God for the deceased before final verdict. like a ritual is a collective meal of relatives and friends in memory of the deceased.

How to hold a memorial

They say that a person truly dies when his relatives and all those to whom he was once dear cease to remember him. Preserving the bright memory of a person who has left this world is a mission that must be accepted and carried out despite the inexorably running time and events that divided life into “before” and “after” the loss. Gratitude for the fact that a person lived next to us cannot be replaced by grandiloquent words at a funeral, which, alas, happens over time, overflow into rare memories of a once living person. To remember means to keep in memory the bright moments from the life of the deceased, his good deeds and deeds.

What We Forgot

Our wise ancestors came up with commemorate- a kind of set of rituals dedicated to the memory of a departed person. Centuries have passed, but this tradition has been preserved and to this day helps people survive the sad event, observing all the honors to the deceased in mourning. Wake of a hundred years ago and a modern ritual are significantly different.

So, today, not everyone goes to church to organize a memorial service for the deceased and consecrate the dishes for the memorial meal, and even less often go to the cemetery to the grave of the deceased person. Although each of these rituals is considered obligatory in the commemoration and was performed by our grandparents not only during the days of mourning, but also years after the funeral. Another violation centuries old traditions at today's commemoration, the use of alcohol is often tolerated. To commemorate a departed person with copious libations is, to put it mildly, wrong. Hence the hops, inappropriate fun, and sometimes squabbles and impartial showdowns between relatives. To sort out at the commemoration who will get what from the property of the deceased is, without exaggeration, the highest manifestation of disrespect for a person who has just passed away. But, alas, life shows that such cases are not uncommon in our time. Commemorate the deceased with dignity is our absolute duty.

Orthodox commemoration

Nevertheless, many Christian traditions are strictly observed by the majority. One of them is to hold a commemoration strictly. It is necessary to honor the memory of another person who has departed into the world several times. The first commemoration, according to Christian traditions, is held in funeral day, that is, on third day after death.
The next commemoration should fall on ninth day after the departure of a loved one. On this day, it is customary to gather, as a rule, in a narrow family circle, to remember the deceased only with kind words and pray for the repose of his soul. Prayers at the wake of a believer, no matter what day they fall on, should always be said. If you and the audience do not know how properly conduct Orthodox commemoration, it is better to invite a clergyman or spiritual superior, to whom you turned during other important life events - weddings, christenings. Prayer is nothing more than an appeal to God, therefore, at these moments, peace and quiet should reign at the commemoration.
On the 40-day commemoration, or forties, you should call everyone who knew the deceased well.

For information on how best to issue an invitation to a commemoration, see.

About the commemoration through the lips of the clergy

Funeral meal: dishes and etiquette

An age-old tradition at the wake- lay a memorial table for those gathered on this day. food on Orthodox commemoration special, and they cook it in compliance with certain rules and traditions.
A funeral meal organized in a dining room or cafe is a valid option for those who want to rid themselves of extra hassle on already difficult days. Those who want to cook treats at home, with your own hands and at the same time observe all the rules of the memorial table, an article with a description of the main dishes and recipes - traditional and lenten - will serve you well.

During the memorial meal, one should observe silence, do not speak loudly (we note separately that mobile phones must be switched to silent mode), do not laugh, and even more so, do not sort things out with one of the relatives. In case of incorrect behavior of other guests, it is permissible to pull them up, reminding commemoration rules of conduct. During these hours, the thoughts of those gathered should be focused on one person who is now not around, but whose memory is still dear to them. You need to eat during the funeral meal slowly, be sure to try traditional dishes(kutya and pancakes), but at the same time observe moderation and do not eat to satiety, as if during a wedding feast.

How to seat guests

Regardless of, Where are funerals held - at home or in banquet hall - the audience is seated at the table in certain order. The most close relatives of the deceased- Spouses, parents, siblings. They sit next to a place that is customary to leave empty at all Orthodox commemorations as a tribute to the memory of the deceased. Then the guests should sit down, observing the principle of kinship or seniority. Important point: a woman should sit next to a man, at the wake it is better to avoid the neighborhood of men next to each other. In this case, the spouses should be seated separately. A portrait of the deceased and a glass of vodka, on top of which a slice of black bread is placed, are sometimes placed next to the place that is left empty. Not everyone accepts this tradition, believing that alcohol at a wake is not allowed according to Christian canons.

How to dress (dress code) at the wake

When gathering for a wake, it is important to think over your appearance and clothes, since the dress code is no less important than the preparation of dishes and the nuances of behavior at the memorial table. So, it is not allowed for guests to come in multi-colored and colorful robes. For women, it is better to choose a closed dress of a dark color to the knees, and tie a scarf (preferably in dark tones) over your head. Instead of a dress, you can put on a suit, but also in a classic cut, without large cutouts and open areas. For men, it is preferable to come in a dark suit, while the shirt can be slightly lighter than the jacket and trousers. If you remove the jacket, then a dark shirt and a lighter tie in a restrained color are also appropriate. When children are present at the wake, they should also be dressed in a calm, seasoned style.

A trip to the cemetery

On the day of remembrance in addition to the meal itself, it is customary to visit the grave of the deceased. It can be done both before and after meals at the memorial table. Before going to the cemetery, you should take care of flowers and fresh wreaths. Flowers can be brought both in the form of bouquets and in the form of seedlings, if, for example, you want the grave to be always beautiful and well-groomed. If the rules of the cemetery do not restrict, then you can plant a tree on the grave, but not in a flower garden. Suitable for this coniferous plants(spruce, pine, fir), symbolizing eternal life.
Near the monument, you can leave ritual symbols or objects that were important to the deceased during his lifetime or could become so. It can be a fresh family photo, if the deceased never saw how his grandchildren were born, or a favorite soft toy, if fate separated you from a relative who passed away at a young age. Clean up the grave before leaving the cemetery. Removing weeds, wiping down a monument, or freshening up the paint on a fence will strengthen the memory of a loved one and help relieve the burden of sadness, and maybe guilt.

Memorials for Muslims

Muslim funeral traditions have the same ancient roots as those of Orthodox believers, but still there are great differences between them.
According to Muslim traditions, the deceased is buried as early as possible, since it is believed that until the body has found its last shelter, the human soul cannot ascend to heaven and is tormented by torment on Earth. The first Muslim commemoration is held on the day of the funeral. The deceased person is prepared for burial by performing ablutions and wrapping him in a shroud. Only people with great authority are allowed to this ritual - as a rule, older people and the closest relatives. If a woman's funeral is coming, then only women are allowed to her at that time. If a man passes away, men come to bathe. As long as the body is not buried underground, there are always people next to it, because the deceased cannot be left alone - in this way they are, as it were, protected. Before the procession moves towards the cemetery, they read over the deceased prayers from the Koran, and this is usually done by a specially invited mullah.

Only men bury the deceased: according to Muslim traditions, women cannot be present at the burial. At the same time, the mullah reads prayers several times for the repose of the soul of the departed person and its speedy entry into heaven.

Funeral meal and haer

After the funeral, the first commemoration is held. Everyone who came to support the relatives and friends of the deceased can attend them. A table is laid for those gathered, but unlike Orthodox traditions, a Muslim memorial meal does not involve the preparation of any specific dishes. But still, in memory of Muslims it is customary to cook soup with noodles, meat, boiled potatoes and cabbage, and from sweets serve national dishes - bausak and chak-chak, as well as sweet pilaf from rice and dried fruits.

During the meal, it is customary to behave quietly and listen to the prayers of the mullah. In the past, only men could sit at the memorial table, today women share the meal on an equal footing with them. As a rule, children are not allowed to the memorial table.

Funeral etiquette

During the funeral Muslim meal, it is customary to distribute hayer, or alms, on behalf of each person present. haer give to everyone who is sitting at the table. After each alms, which is performed in a circle, the mullah reads a prayer. As alms at a Muslim commemoration, you can distribute money (the amount is always at the discretion of the distributor), scarves, soap or tea. Like Christians, it is not customary for Muslims to talk at the memorial table, but even those present do not speak about the deceased leaving all experiences as if within itself.

The event obliges the audience to look appropriate. Women must be dressed in closed dresses or sweaters and long skirts. Must be on the head should be tied with a scarf. At the same time, clothing is predominantly light and white. Men also wear suits of discreet colors, or shirts and trousers in light colors, with a skullcap on their heads. After the meal, the guests do not linger and quickly disperse. The owners of the house distribute untouched dishes and sweets to all those gathered in the form of gifts.

Wake on the 7th, 40th days and anniversary

The next commemoration among Muslims is held on the seventh and fortieth day after the death of a person, and one year later and more. For every funeral it is customary to invite the mullah, relatives and just people who knew the deceased. Traditions oblige to lay a modest table, read prayers and make alms at every commemoration. Commemoration, which takes place a week after death, for 40 days and on the anniversary, as a rule, takes place in a narrow circle of relatives and relatives of the deceased. But everyone who knew him has the opportunity to honor the memory of the deceased at any time. According to Muslim traditions, in the name of a deceased person, you can distribute alms to those in need and pray in the mosque. During the second and subsequent commemorations, those gathered, including women, can optionally visit the grave of the deceased.

Perhaps someone will say that it is not always feasible to organize and hold a commemoration according to all the canons - whether it is a Christian commemoration, Muslim or secular. Some relatives live far away, others have urgent business ... But no matter what events happen around, no matter how the circumstances develop, it is important to remember: commemoration is a modest rite that does not require frills and pathos, the main thing in which is the content that you put into your actions, with what thoughts about the departed you set the table or come to the cemetery. A commemoration is, first of all, an opportunity for relatives and friends to keep in their hearts a bright memory of a person who will never be around again.

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In Orthodoxy, it is customary to organize funeral dinners, which bring together relatives and relatives of the deceased. We honor the deceased at the funeral and after them, for 9 and 40 days and on the anniversary of death, setting the table and remembering a person close to us, but who has left us.

If a christian commemoration differ in an open expression of the pain of loss and an abundance of dishes, respectively, then it is not customary for Muslims to express their grief in tears and sobs, and the table should be modest.

Funeral dinner: menu

Funeral dinner or meal- This is one of the rites of commemoration of the dead, which is the final part of the service. It has not only its own history, traditions, but also a menu. It is worth noting that meals for the commemoration of the dead have been held since ancient times, but Christians have their own opinion on this matter. So, a table for honoring the memory of the deceased is set on the third day after death, as well as for 9, 40 days and 1 year. Christians should not eat food on the graves of the dead, but only after returning from the cemetery and having performed the rite of purification before the meal. If in ancient times this was embodied in washing the whole body, changing clothes and washing floors and walls, in our time everything has been simplified to washing hands before eating.

There is also an etiquette for memorial meals. So, they can't come without an invitation. Table setting takes place in a special way: ordinary dishes are used, a device is placed for the deceased and his portrait with a black ribbon, and guests are seated according to the distance of kinship, that is, the husband or wife, parents, children, etc. will sit closest to the deceased’s device. All those who arrived from the cemetery should wash their hands, sit down at the table by invitation. During lunch, it is not customary to talk loudly and laugh. The remembrance meal always begins and ends with the lighting of a candle and the recitation of a prayer. In addition to turning to God during such a dinner, it is customary to say and remember all the good things about the deceased, in whose memory it is organized. After dinner is over and prayers are read, everyone disperses without saying goodbye.

Now let's talk about the menu. On the table in commemoration of the dead, kutya is prepared from wheat or rice grains seasoned with honey. The eating of food begins with it, and it ends with it. Here, grains symbolize the resurrection promised to the righteous after the Last Judgment, and honey shows how sweet life will be in the kingdom of God. Kutya is sacred in the temple.

Further, the food is prepared depending on the availability on the day of the commemoration of fasting. It is advisable to exclude alcohol at the memorial meal. Obligatory dishes served at the wake are pancakes and jelly. Here, pancakes symbolize the daily cycle, when after sunset, sunrise is sure to follow, and the immortal soul is waiting for rebirth. In the old days, pancakes were always served with honey before eating the main dishes.

In general, all the food that is usually served at the table in commemoration of the deceased carries a special meaning and is a specific symbol. The first dish that was put on the table after kutya with pancakes was hot soup, from which steam must certainly rise, helping the soul of the deceased ascend to God. The first is usually served with borscht or cabbage soup, and sometimes they are replaced with noodle soup. Next in importance was barley or wheat porridge, demonstrating the power contained in them. It was also necessary to eat eggs, as a symbol of the rebirth of the soul and its immortality. If lunch does not fall on the day of fasting, then among the optional dishes could be put on the table:

cutlets;
cabbage rolls;
chops;
meat and cheese slices;
other meat dishes.

At the wake, vegetable salads are served. The most popular in such cases are vinaigrette, fresh cucumber and tomato salad, as well as fresh or sauerkraut. If a memorial meal is organized at home, then they also put aspic.

Sweet dishes are also served: cookies, pancakes, sweets, and other pastries. But it is not customary to serve cakes and pastries in such cases.

In the old days, on such occasions, thick oatmeal jelly which was cut into pieces with a knife. Now drinks for commemoration at meals are compotes and uzvars from dried fruits, juices and fruit jelly.

It is customary to distribute the food left after the end of the commemoration to those participating in it, so that they can continue the commemoration at home with their loved ones, and thereby help the soul of the deceased come closer to the creator. When organizing them, it should be remembered that they should serve as support for the soul of the deceased in its difficult journey to the Lord, and not become a feast. Therefore, do not cook and order a lot of food. Everything should be modest and strict.

All the words that were said before were about people who were baptized. For unbaptized and suicides, for whom a prayer service and liturgy are not performed, it is also possible to organize a commemoration by reading home prayers, and in the temple they pray for such people on parental Saturday before the Trinity, when a prayer is read for all the dead.

Funeral dinner for 40 days

Religious canons say that after forty days after death, the soul of the deceased appears before the Lord and judges it, and determines its place. The last hope for her salvation can be given by prayers and commemoration of relatives. It consists not only in prayers offered to God, but also in kind words about the deceased, in the memorial table, which continues the service and is a demonstration of love and respect for him.

The soul of the deceased on the 40th day returns to his home, in order to leave it forever in a day. For this, they set the table to pray again for her salvation and help find peace. It is believed that restless souls stay in the house forever, because they cannot leave it until they calm down.

In order to facilitate the wanderings and ordeals of the spirit of the deceased, after his death, several conditions must be met:

In the church, a magpie is ordered - a prayer service, which is served for the deceased for 40 days. In addition to it, all these days, relatives and close people of the deceased pray for the soul of the deceased who left them.
In order to provide her with significant assistance, Orthodox priests advise sacrificing themselves at least for this period, refusing to addiction: smoking, drinking alcohol, gluttony, etc.
For 40 days, only baptized and believing in God people are called. Only in their power to help the soul of a loved one, but who died in God, receive the forgiveness of sins and go to heaven.
A memorial meal should not turn into a feast. This is a rite of remembrance and empty talk is inappropriate.
At the wake, the use of alcoholic beverages, fun and singing songs are prohibited.

For 40 days, you can set the table with the same dishes as the commemoration after the funeral. Kutia and pancakes will be mandatory here, but you can cook various dishes. The menu for such a meal can be assembled as follows:

vegetable appetizer of eggplant and tomatoes with garlic;
buckwheat porridge with meat or mushrooms;
sandwiches with sprats;
vegetable salad, for example, vinaigrette - in winter, and tomato-cucumber - in summer;
cutlets;
Fried fish;
stuffed peppers or cabbage rolls;
pies with various fillings: mushrooms, cabbage, apples;
jelly from berries or knots.

If fasting falls on the date for the commemoration, then only fasting dishes should be served.

For 40 days, the Christian custom involves distributing to the needy the things of the deceased with a request to pray for his soul. This charity can be credited to her when deciding on her fate. It is customary to take things not distributed to the temple. But you can't throw anything away.

On this day, while eating food, they say words in commemoration not only of the deceased, according to whom they are organized, but also remember all the deceased relatives. It is believed that all of them are invisibly present with the living. Words about the dead are pronounced standing up.

Funeral dinner for 9 days

After 9 days after the funeral, it is also customary to commemorate the deceased by organizing a dinner. Such a meal takes place exclusively at home.

The soul of the deceased after the funeral prepares for a meeting with the creator. She, after three days of staying with us, goes to heaven, where she must rest from worldly suffering and pain. She is shown all the sins committed by a person during his lifetime. On the ninth day, the soul of the deceased appears before God, after which she is supposed to go to hell to endure ordeals.

In Orthodoxy, it is believed that it is impossible to constantly mourn the deceased, you need to gradually calm down, because this prevents the soul of the deceased from finding peace. With their tears, the living do not allow the soul to leave, keeping it on the ground.

It is not customary to invite people for 9 days, everyone comes by themselves. At the beginning and end of the meal, the Lord's Prayer is read. During the meal, you need to pray for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.

They start the meal with kutya, and then they serve borscht and porridge. It is served with cutlets, fish, mushrooms, meat. Drinks can be compotes, and finish it with pies with jam or another sweet stuffing may be pancakes.

Memorial dinner for the year

The anniversary of death is the sum of life on earth. On this day, they go to the cemetery and commemorate the deceased in the church. At the same time, they set the table, inviting them to a funeral dinner. On the anniversary of death, in addition to the obligatory kutya, it is customary to serve dishes beloved by the deceased. The menu should be simple. On this day, you can submit:

borsch;
noodles or porridge with chicken and mushrooms;
meat and fish meals;
jelly, compote or juice;
pie or pies;
cuts: meat, cheese, fish.

Memorial lunch in Lent

Fasting is not a reason for refusing to commemorate the dead. The exceptions are those days when 9 and 40 days fall on weekdays Great post. In this case, the memorial meal is postponed to the next Saturday. For a meal in the post, an approximate menu may be as follows:

lean borscht or cabbage soup;
mushrooms with potatoes, noodles, buckwheat porridge;
salted, pickled or fresh vegetables;
legumes: soybeans, beans;
lean pancakes and pies;
nuts and raisins;
on holidays such as the Annunciation and Palm Sunday, it is allowed to cook fish.

Prayer before funeral

No memorial service is complete without prayer. The whole essence of this rite is to beg forgiveness of sins for the soul of the deceased and granting her eternal life in the kingdom of God. What prayer is read before sitting at the table? Traditional for the beginning of the commemoration is 17 kathisma. They also read "Our Father" or home prayer.